This whole “The Big 3-0” conversation got me thinking about this past decade… I started to really reflect on my 20’s… the highs… the lows… the grace of God… the power of Jesus… the grand adventure it has all been.

I began to think about things I know now that I wish I would have known when I first stepped into my 20’s. These lessons could have saved me from a few poor choices, bad decisions, and altogether dumb moments… moments that in hindsight have been followed by a very loud, “What was I thinking?!”

(Don’t play. You know what I’m talking about. ☺ )

Well, here’s my list. I share them with you in the hopes that they will help you navigate the season of life you are in, and help steer you away from one too many of the “What was I thinking?!” moments we as humans seem to excel in creating for ourselves! Enjoy!

1. It’s all about Jesus. In Heaven we won’t have any titles, we won’t have a certain salary or a platform or a traveling circuit or book deal. All we will have is what’s really important- Jesus and people. Keep Jesus and people the main thing on this side of eternity, and you can look forward to a “well done, good and faithful servant!” on the other side of eternity.

2. Your friends dictate your future. Choose wisely, and don’t allow sentiment to keep you in friendships too long that steer you a degree or two off from your God-given destiny.

3. You don’t know everything so stop acting like you do. No one likes a know-it-all. And in your 20’s there will be a lot more that we don’t know than we do. So take the humble approach and become a student of life.

4. Don’t pay much attention to critics; but do listen to contributors. There will always be people who think you should have done it differently; just like there are those who are all too quick to sing your praises. You are not the anti-Christ and you aren’t Jesus incarnate. You are somewhere in between- a flawed individual becoming more and more like Jesus. So listen to those who are running the race with you; who are serving alongside you and building the local church up close with you! The people you do life with are the ones whose encouragement and correction really matters.

5. If it isn’t building the Church; it isn’t worth doing. There is one thing Jesus is actively building on the planet right now- His Church. He is more interested in reaching the lost and making disciples than anything else! Whatever you put your hands to, make sure it is somehow building what Jesus is building!

6. You never graduate from serving! No matter what your job is or what season of life you are in, your purpose will always be found right smack in the middle of serving others. There is no task too big or too small in which we can’t serve!

7. “Shutteth uppeth” in the company of those older and wiser. Don’t do all the talking when around someone older with wisdom you admire. Be quiet. Ask good questions and listen. Position yourself to learn by honoring those who have gone before you and have diligently paved a road for you with their own blood, sweat, and tears!

8. Start with what’s in your hand and God will give you what’s in your heart. What has God currently entrusted you with? Give it your all! Throw yourself into making it the most excellent it can be! The tasks Heaven has currently assigned you to will lead you to the dreams God has placed in your heart.

9. You and you alone determine your level of passion in life. Your pastor, your church, your friends, and your circumstances ultimately do not choose how much passion you have in life! You and you alone are responsible for the passion you bring to each day God have given you! You get to decide what emotions you feed and what thoughts you starve that will lead to a passion that is not fleeting, but lasting!

10. Your character is more important than any opportunity. God can open doors and position you however He sees fit when He sees fit. He handles promotion. He doesn’t need our help in that department. But where He does need our cooperation is in the area of character. If you keep your attention and focus on becoming more like Jesus, you can trust He’s got your back!

Watching these videos is heartbreaking. Reading various viewers comments is even more gut-wrenching…

“You are SO pretty, it’s not even funny. Love your body…”

or

“Yea your ugly as hell, just go ahead and end your life. You’re going to die alone”

Something is horribly wrong. Our young people are so hungry for validation that they are opening their hearts to the applause and criticism of the masses. Their search for significance is so desperate that complete strangers now have a say in their value.

These are OUR young people. Not someone else’s. They are our cousins and nieces and nephews and little sisters and brothers and daughters and sons. They are our responsibility and future. Jesus has given His life on the cross for each and everyone of them, and it is His sacrifice alone that determines their eternal value!

And for one reason or another, the message hasn’t been received. We are witnessing a generation destroying their purpose at the altar of pop culture. They are so void of love and hope that their potential is being prostituted to the highest bidder.

Every teenager in our world RIGHT NOW is asking the question, “Why do I matter? Am I really loved? Do I have a purpose?”

They are aggressively and intentionally searching for answers. Someone or something will give it to them, even if we as the Church fail to.

Pornography. Ecstasy. Sexual experimentation. Binge drinking. Self-harm. Abusive relationships. Eating disorders. Skepticism. One night stands. Perfectionism. Isolation.

It seems to me that the enemy of our souls is aggressively out to steal, kill, and destroy a generation…

…And he is counting on the Church not to do much about it.

I say- enough is enough! Too long has Satan preyed on the hurts and heartbreaks of an orphaned generation. It is time for the Church to take a stand and offer hope, love, and truth to a generation purposed and destined by God!

We must choose to love and sacrifice for this generation. It’s time they know how loved, valued, and purposed they are by Jesus. And they’ll only ever know if we begin showing them by our own actions towards them…

We have to show up for them. We have to care for them. We have to sacrifice for them. We have to believe in them.

I’ll finish this post with this:

To those young men and women asking the question, “Am I ugly?” please know without a doubt that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, handcrafted by God Himself… You are not an accident. You are not a mistake. And you are not forgotten. You may have experienced heartbreak. Your dreams may have been shattered. You may have been rejected or abandoned by ones you’ve loved and betrayed by those you’ve trusted.

But you, my dear friend, you are not a victim of your past. You are not just another face in the crowd. You are not worthless. You are not stupid. You are not ugly. You are not fat. You are not a failure.

You are a son or daughter of the Most High God. There is no one and nothing more valuable to the heart of God than YOU. In fact, you are so very valuable and significant that the Son of God, Jesus, (not some religious man of folklore, but the real human AND divine Jesus) willingly gave His own life just to have a real, authentic relationship with YOU.

You are loved and valued by Jesus, and it is through faith in Him that you can discover your real identity, and your real purpose… which is far greater than you could ever imagine.

My life mission, and that of the Church is that you know and experience the love and purpose God has for you. To this very end we labor.

And please know, that no matter what, we won’t ever stop believing in you!

Single, Focussed & Fulfilled from Nicole Reyes on Vimeo.

Heart For The House – A Place for Genuine Friendships from Nicole Reyes on Vimeo.

I discovered a recent (I’m probably the last 20-something a part of the digital-age to discover this) Christmas miracle… the ability to do all your Christmas shopping online! Glory to God in the highest, and goodwill to all men!

And yet, still, with the wonderful invention of the Internet that makes my Christmas shopping delightfully consumer (consumer being me, of course) friendly, I have forgotten things and now find myself past the point of depending on the US Postal Service to deliver before Santa does on Christmas Eve.

So I was at the Westfield Sherman Oaks Mall, where everyone in the parking lot was filled with good cheer, singing carols and passing out candy canes to all the little children as they skipped with glee into the nearest department store…Or tailgating, chatting on their cell phones, yelling with road rage, and waving the international symbol of the discontented driver- the wonderfully jolly middle finger.

Ahh, the joys of Christmas traditions! ☺

You need a strategy for mall shopping in December. Some people shop in packs for protection. Others come prepared with a map and a plan of attack. I’m pretty sure I saw a couple in Macy’s with walkie-talkies speaking to each other with code names from Top Gun.

I used to think these people were crazy. Used to. Over the years, I’ve come to admire their military-like tactics. Maybe they’ve lost the Christmas spirit, but if Christmas Eve at the mall is the dark alley of Holidays, than I’d want to be walking down the mall escalators on Christmas Eve with one of them.

Sure, they act a little crazy under pressure. Have you ever seen one of them respond to a sales person saying the dreaded words, “We’re all out of those.” No one wants to be around when that bomb drops and Word War 3 is launched in the war zone of Toys R’ Us. It’s incidents like these that strike fear among the general public every year on Black Friday.

But still, there’s something to be said about people who know how to get it done. They have a plan and they execute. They may not win the Miss Congeniality Award this Holiday season, but one has to appreciate the art form they make out of the simple task of gift giving.

You have to admire excellence, even excellence of the peculiar kind.

Well, lately I’ve had my own strategy at the mall. It’s not very good, but it is fast. I call it “The In and Out”, not to be confused with the beloved fast food chain In N’ Out, though both found their humble beginnings in Southern California.

“The In and Out” goal is simple. Get in and out of the mall as soon as possible. Find the first available parking space, not necessarily the best, just the first. This will cut back on losing precious minutes behind a line of cars in the parking lot. Avoid eye contact at all times. Studies have shown eye contact leads to conversations with strangers, and there’s no time for that. Walk quickly with a purpose. Find the shortest possible route to the store of interest and to the item you are interested in purchasing. This takes practice. If you aren’t paying close attention, and have not developed a bit of agility, than you are bound to run into a turning stroller, an elderly woman, or even a kissing couple. These all make for awkward moments, but especially the last one. Trust me.

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but today’s mission of “The In and Out” was executed with top-notch precision. I landed a new personal record! Some would say I’m a natural!

Yes, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I was chuckling to myself over this very thing while exiting the mall’s overcrowded parking lot. My “aren’t I funny and quirky” moment dwindled as I realized that I am not only a natural at “The In and Out” technique, but I also am, unfortunately, in far more important things as well.

“The In and Out” exists for one purpose- to survive the mall. It wasn’t created to experience the mall or impact the mall or even enjoy the mall.

Survive. That’s it.

I’m old enough to know that everyone has different ways of dealing with things. That doesn’t mean every way is the best way or even the healthiest way. But there definitely are lots of ways.

Seasons change. Sometimes, slower than we’d like; sometimes, it comes like a whirlwind of change that no one could have forecasted.

Some seasons we like a lot better than others. And it’s okay to admit that. Not every day is a stroll in the park. Not every day is supposed to be.

Some days come with real challenges we are forced to confront. Some days we have more tough choices to make than others.

And some days we’d wish would never end. Some days will leave memories that will ignite a smile on our face for years to come. Some days feel like a preview of Heaven.

But not all days are like that. Some days seem like more of a fight for Heaven than an experience of Heaven. Those are the days we have to dig deep to strike the oil of the Kingdom of God.

But the goal isn’t to survive our days. Life isn’t an experience at the mall where we accumulate what we want as comfortably and easily as possible. We’re not trying to survive here. And we’re not trying to just get more stuff.

Life isn’t just about surviving. Life is meant to be lived. Really lived. Eternal-living- type- living. The type of living Jesus died to give us on the cross. The type He promised in John 10:10.

The great tragedy comes when someone is given a shot at this kind of life and yet doesn’t change how they live day in and day out. Even though the goal is no longer simply to survive, many choose to live as if it is.

For me, that looks like plowing through. It looks like tackling each day and each season with “The In and Out” as my guide. It may not be your tactic, but I am realizing that when things get a little hard or busy, it has a tendency to become mine.

I turn everything into a competition where the quicker things happen the better. I want to speed past the hard stuff, the stuff that requires me to examine my own soul and to experience the growing pains of spiritual maturity. I find myself avoiding a different type of eye contact. In the scenario of life, I find ways to coast my friendships and relationships instead of deepen and strengthen them. My childhood falsely whispers to my soul that being lonely is safer than being part of anything resembling family, even if it’s healthy; even if it’s the family of God. And at all costs, I maneuver my actions to reach whatever goal I have set, even if it is at the expense of those around me.

And that’s how I survive. It keeps the collateral damage of my heart at a minimum. And my impact for the Kingdom of God even more minimal. So my heart is “safer”, but at what expense? And I suppose it depends on how you define “safer”. Independent and self-reliant isn’t always safer in the end.

However I look at my way of doing things, I must look at it through the lens of Jesus’ promise. And then it just doesn’t add up. It’s simply no way to live. Not when God created me for so much more. And not just, me, but you, too.

So what’s your way of living? What’s your grand strategy? I may not understand or even know of it, but if it’s goal is survival than it’s just not good enough for you. It’s a plan for a second-rate life, at best.

I’ve decided “The In and Out” is going into early retirement. It served its purpose. As a frightened little girl and as a young, broken woman, it in many ways shielded me, protected me. But I’m not afraid anymore. I’m not broken either. I’m being transformed. The old is out. Now I have a better guide. A perfect guide. Jesus.

May you, too, have the courage to venture into a new way of living, and may Jesus be your Perfect Guide.

11-13-11 Life of a Giant Killer: The Condition of the Heart / Nicole Reyes from Oasis Church on Vimeo.

Okay, so you get the point.

I have to admit my “let’s-keep-things-moving” attitude has its perks. I can pack a lot of productive things into one day. I can check off quite a lot on a to-do list. Tight deadlines act as a weird adrenaline-rush to my workday. And I keep my friends and family on their toes with my ever-evolving interests. ☺

But when it comes to spiritual maturity, well, no matter how hard I try, there are just some things (LIKE CHARACTER) that refuse to be put on the fast-track.

If my life were a movie, then I would prefer to fast-forward through certain parts, mainly the ones where I feel like I’m just waiting for the action to heat up. Can we fast-forward through the open credits, the slow paced back story, and the monotonous “getting-to-know-the-characters” dialogue, and get to the good stuff- like the car chase and the explosions and the showdown between the good guy and the bad guy, ultimately ending with the leading love interests defeating the odds and living happily ever after?

(Yes, I am aware that if there were a movie made of my life it probably wouldn’t include a car-chase or an explosion, but a girl can dream!)

We all wish we had a fast-forward button on our lives. We wish we could fast-forward through college and just get handed that degree already! We wish we could fast-forward through the under-paid, crazy-hours-job to get that corner office. We wish we could fast-forward our singleness to press play on our wedding day. We wish we could fast-forward through the challenges in our marriage or family to get to the good stuff—the stuff famous authors write relationship and parenting books about. We wish we could fast-forward the healing process of our souls and restart at the place in our lives where we have overcome the hurts and disappointments of our past.

And then I think about King David.

I think about David exiled from Israel, even though he was anointed to be the next king. He was hunted by King Saul out of jealousy and insecurity. David lived in enemy territory, posed as a mental patient, made his home in caves, and was surrounded by disgruntled men who at one point wanted to stone him. (Read more in 1 Samuel in the Bible daily reading plan, available at www.philipwagner.com) He was misunderstood, persecuted, and lied about. And he didn’t do anything to deserve it.

And yet I can’t help but see glimmers of a great king shining in these hard times. He became disciplined. He became wise. He became generous. He became forgiving. He became compassionate. He became strong. There were things being forged inside of David inside the caves, in the midst of exile. While King Saul was seeking to kill David, God was seeking to make a king out of David.

And God did just that. He used the caves. He used the exile. He used enemy ground. He used disgruntled men. He used a mad and jealous king… somehow, God was able to take what was meant to destroy David and use it as the very tools of transformation in David’s soul.

Weapons of destruction, when placed in God’s hands, have a way of becoming weapons of divine purpose.

Perhaps the very things we are in such a hurry to fast-forward through are the very things that make us… make us more Christ-like, make us more compassionate. Make us stronger. Make us purpose-minded. Make us wiser. Make us more obedient. More willing. More Kingdom-minded.

So the next time we feel the need to try to push the fast-forward button by pleading with God in prayer or fantasizing about quitting or escaping our responsibilities or throwing a pity party, why not first ask ourselves:

What is God up to in this moment of my life? What is He developing in my character as part of the divine assignment He has for me? How is He preparing me for what He has already prepared for me?

10For we are God’s [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live].
-Ephesians 2:10 AMP

10-09-11 Life of a Giant Killer Pt1 / Nicole Reyes from Oasis Church on Vimeo.

This takes place routinely in my life.  At different moments my room or my car or my office or my bathroom mirror will look more like a mad scientist’s lab brewing with theology than an accurate expression of my interior design skills.

A Scripture-saturated wall may seem random to onlookers, but it is far from it.  This wall is marked index card by index card with intentionality.

Each card is a Bible verse filled with promises from God… truth on a 3×5 that speaks louder than any circumstance.

And with these cards, with this collage of a wall, I wage war.

David had a slingshot and a few smooth stones in his arsenal against Goliath.  (Read more in the Bible reading plan found at PhilipWagner.com.)  Well, these verses are my weapon of choice.

With each card my faith rages against DISCOURAGEMENT, DOUBT, WORRY, INSECURITY, and just plain ol’ INSURMOUNTABLE ODDS.

Friends, we cannot succumb to or settle down into a half-lived life… not when Jesus offers us an abundant life (John 10:10).  And these verses are the key.  Without them we are susceptible to half-truths about ourselves, about our purpose, and perhaps most alarming, about our God.  We become by-standers of situation; our lives become chameleons in which we change colors to match the latest trend or moral view of our culture.  We become ordinary in every sense of the word.  We fit in; we blend in, and then we fade away.

That will not be my story (and there’s no reason it should be yours either!).  This is my one and only life, and I won’t waste a minute of it in numbing mediocrity!  Instead, my life will consist of these promises on my wall.  They will best tell the story of what God can do with a surrendered heart.

These verses will make their journey from the wall, to the chambers of my heart, to the pages of my written life in action.

…From my wall, to my heart, to my life….

Every morning I will wake up as a student, and this wall will be my tutor.  It will train my soul in FAITH.  Each day I will pray with this wall as my guide. And every night, when I think about the God-adventure my day has been, I will study this wall for connections between the written Word of God and the story God is writing with my life… a life in which Jesus is glorified.

How about you?

Are you facing a challenge in your life?  Is FEAR or DOUBT or WORRY or DISCOURAGEMENT creeping into your thoughts?

Maybe what you need, to wage your own war, is a few good index cards…

List of Recommended Verses to Create Your Own Wall:
Psalm 10:17 NIV
Hebrews 10:36 AMP
Proverbs 31:10 AMP
Proverbs 31:7 AMP
Joshua 1:9 NLT
Romans 8:32 CEV
Proverbs 31:25-26 NLT
Jeremiah 1:5
Isaiah 44:2 CEV
Psalm 32:8 NIV
John 16:33 NIV
Matthew 11:28-30 MSG
Isaiah 30:18 NIV
Psalm 107:20
2 Timothy 1:7 AMP
Romans 5:8 NIV
Hebrews 13:5 AMP
Matthew 6:33 NIV
1 Peter 5:6-7 AMP
James 1:5 AMP
Ephesians 2:10 NIV
Isaiah 61:1-4 NIV
1 Peter 5:10 NIV
Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV
Romans 8:28 NIV
John 14:27 NIV
Psalm 1:1-3 NIV
1 Corinthians 2:16 AMP
Jeremiah 29:11 AMP
Philippians 1:6 AMP
Isaiah 26:3 NIV

OBEDIENCE. It’s not a word that tends to instantly ignite enthusiasm. People aren’t standing in line waiting to learn more about how to obey. I have yet to see a Christian bestseller titled, “Everything You’ve Ever Wanted to Know About OBEDIENCE.” I’m pretty sure OBEDIENCE has never made it on Yahoo’s trending topics, right next to Justin Bieber’s haircut and Fall’s TV Lineup.

And yet, Jesus begins His invitation to His disciples with, “Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.” The implication is clear: one thing is required for us to fulfill the great purpose and destiny God has given each of us… OBEDIENCE (aka “Follow Me”)

Not charisma.

Not talent.

Not creative genius.

Not social adaptability.

Not great intentions.

Not a squeaky clean background.

Not a shining spiritual resume.

Just OBEDIENCE… Occasionally humbling. Sometimes boring. Often routine. Frequently without applause. Many times sacrificial…

OBEDIENCE.

I find myself asking Jesus to use me in great ways; that my life may be a grand adventure with Him as the Author of the many thrilling episodes of my life. I crave an extraordinary life… one saturated in God’s greatness. I imagine this epic journey Jesus called an “abundant life”, and I passionately pray bold prayers with phrases like “Use Me!” “I’m all Yours!” “Your way, not mine!” “Do the impossible in and through my life!”

Have you ever prayed prayers like that?

Well, here’s what I’m discovering about those prayers… We’ve already been given an answer from Heaven. God’s stamp of approval is on each of them. In fact, He not only endorses those prayers, but He gives us an opportunity to take real steps forward in living a life beyond our wildest dreams (Jesus’ words, not mine ☺).

Here’s what He gives us to unlock purpose and destiny…

(drum roll, please…)

…Daily, hourly, moment-by-moment opportunities to OBEY.

(Wow. That seems anti-climatic. I know. But it’s what unleashes greatness in our lives.)

To forgive that person who knew just how to get under our skin at work.

To remain sexually pure in our dating relationship.

To refrain from the latest and juiciest gossip.

To listen when our bosses, leaders or pastors give us helpful feedback that bruises our egos.

To keep our word even when it becomes inconvenient.

To serve the people around us when we’d rather be served.

It’s the daily steps of obedience that become the path of extraordinary living we all yearn for.

Perhaps it’s time we add a new prayer to the mix: “God, may I have a reputation of OBEDIENCE. By the power of Your Spirit, may I be so obedient to Your Word that you can entrust me with Your great plans.”

It’s prayers of obedience that set us on a course of God-breathed destiny.